What the Stock Market and my Menopause may have in Common!

If you are a male reader, don't be squeamish. Read on. For my female readers, especially those of you enduring never-ending hot flashes, you'll totally get it.

For some strange reason, I haven't found the stock market crash or the ensuing ups and downs of the exchanges, or even the imploding world economy, all that hard to relate to. None of it came as a surprise. Oddly, I have found that I relate to the volatile ups and downs that each new day brings. And last night (or through the night, shall we say), I finally figured out why.

Bear with me for another minute as I explain the menopausal process in MY skin. There are two major factors at play. One: my hormones are trying, with increasing fury, to force me to drop an egg in a last gasp at fertility. My hormones don't seem to realize that I've already had the child I'm going to have and have no plans on another. However, in this valiant attempt, every month, whether the menses arrives or not, my body puts me through torture as it tries to convince my tubes to produce and drop another egg. This creates hormonal surges which in turn reek havoc on my temperature regulators...meaning...hot flashes.

Two: Hand in hand with the hormonal fluctuations are mood swings, the likes of which I've never experienced in the past, and are absolutely, passionately horrific and have brought the worst out in me...actually worse than I could have thought possible. My general demeanor is calm, patient, infinitely kind and incredibly loving. This monster that strikes out from within is cranky, crabby, mean-spirited, angry and...yes...nasty. Just as the hot flashes surge, this nastiness, the other side of Janet, surfaces in full glory as my body tries to ovulate and then, crescendoes in a PMS (Pre-Menstrual Syndrome)worthy of Hollywood.

The minute I get my period, my hormones immediately (as in within minutes) go back to normal and my true nature (or let's just say the one I'm more used to) comes back for another couple of weeks until the entire vicious cycle starts again. And may I add that you don't just hot flash for a day...no...it goes on for one or two weeks at a time...from when you "should" have ovulated, all the way through to when you "should" have had a period.

What no one tells you is that regardless of whether or not you have your period, your hormones will still cause the uproar...and riot and storm...until you no longer have eggs to potentially drop.

Which brings me to last night. For the last couple of weeks, the flashes have flashed again. Just last week, sitting at a friend's home, in the space of 30 minutes I put on and took off my sweater at least 4 or 5 times, wiped sweat off my brow and kept asking, "Is it hot in here???" Worst of all, is that when your internal temperature regulator is shot, you can get alternately very cold and very hot within minutes of each other...for hours, days, weeks at a time. (Aha...are you starting to see where I'm going with this?)

Last night was a killer night. It was about 65 in my house and when I went to sleep I was freezing. I put on a sweatshirt and socks over my summer PJs (shorts and T) and cuddled up under my covers. That was at 10 pm. 11 pm threw my covers off. 11:15 was freezing again and grabbed as much of the comforter as I could to warm up. Midnight? Boiling. Threw left leg out of the covers and arms up over my head. 1:30 am: FREEZING. Covered up again. 2:30 am: Sweat dripping down my forehead, ripped off the covers, the sweatshirt, but kept socks on. 4:00 am. Freezing once again. Put sweatshirt around me and covered up. 4:22 am: BOILING. Threw everything off except the shorts and T. Decided to call it an early day and grabbed my computer.

Covered up again and as the heat of the laptop caused, yet again, another flash, I realized that my volatility was strangely similar to the ups and downs of the STOCK MARKET. "Our economy is in the throes of MENOPAUSE!" was the big thought at 4:22 am. Of course. All the useless credit just like the eggs no longer worth anything. The readjustment of the economy to no more credit eggs is like a broken temperature regulator and the market is suffering hot flashes and cold sweats until it will rebalance at the other end. Unable to produce more offspring, but at least to make use of lessons learned...maybe?

It's 5:52, I'm suddenly cold and quite tired -- this surge is done for now. I'd say I'll be 3% up at day's end.